This is in response to Kelsey's free entry for week 7.
This piece is very playful, literally. The references to Anastasia and Dimetri were nice a specific, especially if your someone who likes Disney. The change between each of the characters the barbie plays was a nice touch. Katherine, a fitting name for a barbie by the way, was one of the many characters of barbie and the use of the "Katherine look alikes" was a nice phrase that did a great job of explaining that the crowd was most likely filled with the exact same barbie. It might help the story if the location was stabilized. It's not clear exactly where this piece is taking place. Giving a specific description of what the lead barbie looks like might also had a bit of specificity.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Classmate 1, Week 7
This is in response to Kay's Improv for week 7.
This piece has a lot of potential. It is intriguing, the topic that is. It slowly draws the reader in with the mystery of this "Mrs. Wilson". The strength here in this draft is in its specificity, for example the "Ben and Jerry's rocky road" reference and how the smile was described as the smile "saved for grandma's sweaters at Christmas." It does a great job of adding these smirky remarks that are pretty much specific enough to create a mental picture.
There are some minor weakness the piece has two places were "smile" is the enjambment, so it sort of seems redundant. I can't wait for the next draft.
This piece has a lot of potential. It is intriguing, the topic that is. It slowly draws the reader in with the mystery of this "Mrs. Wilson". The strength here in this draft is in its specificity, for example the "Ben and Jerry's rocky road" reference and how the smile was described as the smile "saved for grandma's sweaters at Christmas." It does a great job of adding these smirky remarks that are pretty much specific enough to create a mental picture.
There are some minor weakness the piece has two places were "smile" is the enjambment, so it sort of seems redundant. I can't wait for the next draft.
Improv 1, Week 7
Book Example:
Off the coast, the water is sort of icky.
My take:
The reach of the Pacific coast pollutes the city with blue jellies, badazzled rocks with the echo of salt water waves, and sludge grass.
Off the coast, the water is sort of icky.
My take:
The reach of the Pacific coast pollutes the city with blue jellies, badazzled rocks with the echo of salt water waves, and sludge grass.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Reading Response 1, Week 7
I'm doing this week's reading response on the workshops we did this week. After going through the pieces myself and talking about them in class, I'm getting a sense on the middle ground I should shoot for in my writing. I should be between public and private matters. When I say this I mean, I should between the world of my writing and the real world. In between these two worlds lie what I know can happen and what I don't know will happen. I shouldn't always know the twists and turns my writing will take, but I do have the choice of what words/lines to use. I also can decide when each line/word will do the most work for the advantage of my pieces.
Free Entry 1, Week 7
This is an exert from a short story I have been working on. Let me know what you think!
Fanta
All of the guys are swarming me with the look a predator gives its prey, twenty lions against one gazelle. "I'm here to see Coach Carter for the statistics." They all return to their monstrous game, while a man around 5'7 with short hair and a black Nike collar shirt tells me to hold on. I stand awkwardly in the corner while orange fireballs were being thrown left to right. My only comfort the strawberry Fanta I bought in this foreign location's vending machine. The Coach opens the door, I begin to walk towards him when a ball, with the perfectly geometric angle of doom, bounces from the plastic hardwood to the bottom of my can, drowning me in strawberry goodness. Every "sharp tooth" laughs and suddenly I remember a similar situation the last time I ventured outside the my comfort zone.
Fanta
All of the guys are swarming me with the look a predator gives its prey, twenty lions against one gazelle. "I'm here to see Coach Carter for the statistics." They all return to their monstrous game, while a man around 5'7 with short hair and a black Nike collar shirt tells me to hold on. I stand awkwardly in the corner while orange fireballs were being thrown left to right. My only comfort the strawberry Fanta I bought in this foreign location's vending machine. The Coach opens the door, I begin to walk towards him when a ball, with the perfectly geometric angle of doom, bounces from the plastic hardwood to the bottom of my can, drowning me in strawberry goodness. Every "sharp tooth" laughs and suddenly I remember a similar situation the last time I ventured outside the my comfort zone.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Calisthenic 1, Week 7
This is what I came up with from the interrogation we did today in class.
Elgin
A village of retirees
A ghost town filled with
Houses of pukish yellow and tangerine orange.
E-town, is what the the Baileys on South Liberty Street call it, but for me
it's just Elgin.
The home of the graves for Chocolate and Winnie,
who were eaten by a slimy lizard that was lit up
like a Lite Brite.
Across the railroad there is Wasco's Corner Store
Where Lars sells gummy worms and fruit loops.
My 13th birthday filled with tangled slinkies.
Elgin
A village of retirees
A ghost town filled with
Houses of pukish yellow and tangerine orange.
E-town, is what the the Baileys on South Liberty Street call it, but for me
it's just Elgin.
The home of the graves for Chocolate and Winnie,
who were eaten by a slimy lizard that was lit up
like a Lite Brite.
Across the railroad there is Wasco's Corner Store
Where Lars sells gummy worms and fruit loops.
My 13th birthday filled with tangled slinkies.
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