This is in response to Kay's Improv for week 7.
This piece has a lot of potential. It is intriguing, the topic that is. It slowly draws the reader in with the mystery of this "Mrs. Wilson". The strength here in this draft is in its specificity, for example the "Ben and Jerry's rocky road" reference and how the smile was described as the smile "saved for grandma's sweaters at Christmas." It does a great job of adding these smirky remarks that are pretty much specific enough to create a mental picture.
There are some minor weakness the piece has two places were "smile" is the enjambment, so it sort of seems redundant. I can't wait for the next draft.
No comments:
Post a Comment