In response to April's Week 8 Imporv:
This piece really captivated me, it takes an advantage by starting with a quote that just about every person's mother has nagged at them with. This piece also brings another interesting trait about the character, and it's probably something we all do, especially when our have pretty eyes that we don't inherit, but the reasoning behind it was different. The main character has this obsession with her mother's eyes, and the fact that she does not possess them, as her brother and sister do. The imagery was rich also and very cinematic helping the reading progress like a movie or t.v. show.
I wasn't quite sure where the piece is taking place. This work could ease the reader into the location. What is around the character? What is the character doing? Set the scene.
Nice first draft!
Thanks for the input, I will definitely incorporate a setting into the piece. I hadn't even thought about that, but that is exactly what is missing....at the very least.
ReplyDeleteAgain, thanks for the response. :)