Monday, February 6, 2012

Classmate Reponse 1, Week 3

(This is a response to David's Week 3 free entry.)
I think it would be a good idea to show more in this piece. With the line "Pulling him out of his daydream.." How did she pull him away? What was he daydreaming? Be more descriptive about what is going on around them. Show me their living room (or where ever they are). A lot of this is in the mind of the character, make it a movie. I want to picture them in my mind as a read. I also think there are some lines that aren't needed, remember that when writing a short story every word and line has a purpose. Great start!

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