Okay so, here is my first go at the short story Dr. Davidson wanted me to start. I am using I am Twenty-One by Mary Robison as an example I just sat down and started writing and I had absolutely no idea where it was heading. This is the first exert.
Short Story (No Title Yet)
I hate Valentines Day. Mothers have Mother's day. Fathers have father's day. There is even a Grandparent's day and a Secretaries' day. Do you know what we single people get? Palm Sunday. Today in class someone, a student I suppose, asked if I had any plans for Valentines Day. Of course I don't, not unless Trivia Night at the Irish Pub off of Hwy 166 counts as "plans." But I do that every week. I should probably call Dr. Wolf back about setting up my next appointment. He will probably go on about eating carrots. I don't think my eye sight is that bad. After all, I was able to see Laura.
This is a great start Brittany! The transition from the narrator talking about their “plans” then jumping to the doctor’s appointment is such a good one because it resembles the thought process of most people. Most of us don’t tend to stay on one subject for too long and I think you jumped to the next subject with good timing.
ReplyDeleteThe one thing that sounded a little stiff to me is this sentence: “Today in class someone, a student I suppose, asked if I had any plans for Valentine’s Day.” Usually there are no other people in the class, besides the professor, who aren’t students. Maybe you could work with this: “I had a student ask me if I had any plans for tonight.” Since the narrator is going on a long rant about his hatred for Valentine's Day I think the reader assumes that is V-Day, especially if a student is asking them if they have plans.
Another small thing, you call the doctor a “he” and a “she.” It took me a minute to catch that but you may want to fix it.