This was my first attempt of the active voice exercise in class.
Sentence: It was a nice Spring day.
Active Voice: Miki gets out of her car to go into Kroger. She is greeted by a floral breeze that's perfectly balanced by the sun shy touch. As she walks to the automatic door, a girl scout asks if she wants to buy some cookies.
You could even get more specific by saying "As she walks to the automatic doors, a girl scout stops and shoves a box of Thin Mints in her face, guilting Miki into purchasing boxes of Samoas and Shortbreads before even entering the store."
ReplyDeleteGirls Scout cookies = spring to me! Original! "floral breeze" and "the sun's shy touch" may be a bit used but I'll admit I like the way it flows - call me a romantic ;)However, the beginning doesn't quite match with the end. They seem like two different descriptions. You have the lofty ideal of spring and then the more gritty shopping reality of spring. When you said Kroger I thought of how in the springtime some leaves are so green and vibrant they match the bright green K R O G E R letters on the supermarket entrance.
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