I wanted to try the active voice a little more, so here it is!
Sentence: Kim was angered by her boyfriend.
Active Voice: Kim's face was red hot as she looked at the clock that held her boyfriend's life in its hands. She tapped her foot as fast as a tornado's rampage watching the door with the focus of a man deciding between the red and blue wire.
The red hot I think is a little too cliche. but I love how you said, "looked at the clock that held her boyfriend's life in its hands."
ReplyDeleteBe careful of the tone thermometer. Remember: keep the writing in the "radical middle": not too cliche' and, thus, dead, cold, and lifeless; and not too hyperbolic or "hot."
ReplyDelete